I'll See You Soon

Gradjayshun!

I should be on campus at 3ish for graduation. Starts at 4 and 6, then dinner at 8:30 with the folks. I've been waiting for this day. To quote one of the greatest movies ever: "I would have waited an eternity for this." Except...y'know...I wouldn't have. I should have some photos up right after I get back home.

From My Aunt in Texas

Dear Andy, Congratulations!!!! You did it! Freedom!!! I wish I could be there with the family to share in this awesome day in your life! I will be with you in spirit though....all day long ('cause I don't know at what time of the day is graduation!) Both Vic and I are very proud of you and know that you will do great things. I often think about the long talk that we had the night I stayed over at your mom's. It was a great conversation. I learned so much about you! That evening I also felt sad because I realized that I had missed out on seeing you and J grow up because I've lived so far away. Yes, I remember funny episodes of you all's trip to Texas such as the airport incident -cowboy boots, hat and guns; the "It's not easy being cheesy" repeated over and over by the so patient Vic; how scared you were when I turned on the bubbles in the jacuzzi, etc.; how no one couldn't get you out of the video arcade inside the Hypermart - what a hissy fit you threw over there boy! Those are all great memories, but I wish we could have others as well. What an exciting future awaits you. I bet that you feel the freedom oozing out of your pores by now. As you take off on your trip, I just want to ask you (without sounding totally geriatric) Please be careful. I know that you must forge your own view of the world and set your own perspective. I know that this trip will be a soul-searching opportunity. You will learn a lot about you. As you search for meaning and purpose, remember that there are so many different ways by which we can set off to find them (meaning and purpose). Like for instance, I totally see you traveling the world with a bunch of young people like yourself learning about other cultures; helping to build schools and houses for children and families that have never been out of their own village (in these cases I don't see you drinking the water!) I also see you teaching people, helping them learn how to help themselves... Anyway, I could be totally off by miles, but those are some of the images that came to me after our long chat that night. I'm not sure when you are living for your trip but I think I remember you saying that you were taking off right after graduation. I'm sending you something in the mail for when you get back. So, be cautious, have fun, learn alot, and remember to keep in touch. Know that I love you and that I'm proud of you. A big, big hug from Vic, too. Love, Majulia ;o)

Because It's True

CELEBRATE!

The Requisite Alice Cooper

Next In Line

Sam, if this is anything like Shadow of the Colossus, I may just crap my pants.


At 10:30 the first of my last two finals begins.

In Less Than 18 Hours

In less than 18 hours I'll be done. DONE! Oh, how glorious a feeling it is. Seventeen years of frustration will be gone. Never to be seen or heard from again. Until Friday, of course. But that's just the official celebration of the leaving of this crap. Sweet Jesus, this is a feeling words can't describe. DONE! HAHA! Two finals left. From 10:30 to 3:00 (latest) I'll be in class. For the last time. Oh, how good it feels. I just have to BS two more written finals. TWO MORE! I have cigars to laugh victoriously with. DONE! DONE! DONE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

!

Good God, could this be happening? I don't want to wait 30 hours to find out! Wait for the lightning flashes. It's a number 5. A NUMBER 5!

Two Finals Done

Three more to go along with a three page paper. Just gotta take the online quizzes for Geology now and I'll be set for tomorrow's final. Now let's get back to these quizzes. Victory will be mine. Insert evil laugh here.

10 Pager Down

Five finals and a three page paper are all that's left. Forget C's, D's get degrees, baby! Time for pizza.

The Spot

I now have The Spot. No, that's not a disease. If anyone wants to be on the email/text list for this thing then email me your address and/or your phone number and service provider.

I also have a flask and a new knife (thank you Sam). A good knife.

Finals are coming up. Expect frustrated writings. Then relieved and happy writings. Because I will be done. Forever.

A Few Things Here

1) I wouldn't be putting Captain Planet up here if it weren't for a good reason. That reason is Jeff Goldblum. He plays Verminous Skumm (the villain in the red hood)
2) How does telling a small town a lie about how AIDs is spread lead to ruling the world?
3) "I don't care how I got it, IT STINKS!"

Regarding Yesterday's Hike

At the 2.5 mile mark on the way back to the parking lot I noticed my left Achilles begin to ache. I thought perhaps it might be the new boots, but alas the pain has continued on in my trusty pair of shoes. It has made shifting gears and walking irritable. I have only one thing to say about this. "That's booty, son!"

Notes for 561 Final

Tournier, Duras, Camus

Y'know...I'll just look up the Cliff's notes on these things. Probably easier than listening to the human sleeping pill.

More Hiking 'n' Stuff

On my way back from home today I stopped by my dad's friend, Larry's place. Unfortunately my dad couldn't join us today, but we went out to San Jacinto and put in an 11 mile hike in about 5 hours. While we were on the trail we met up with a bunch of "Thru-Hikers." Thru-Hikers are people backpacking the Pacific Crest Trail which goes from the U.S./Mexico border to about nine miles into Canada. The whole trek is roughly 2,650 miles. The prime time to leave was two weeks ago and most of the folks we spoke with were at that marker. One of the guys had recently mailed back his tent as he felt he didn't need it until Kennedy Meadows. That same guy has the same backpack I do. I was (am) envious. Here these people were out doing something that very few attempt and even less complete. While I'm uncertain as to how many of the folks we saw today will be in Canada about 4 months from now, I do wish them all the best of luck.

Larry and I ended up getting beer and sandwiches at the Winchester Inn afterward and I made it back to SD by 10pm. Getting to and from Hemet takes a lot longer than it should.

On a side note: Happy birthday, Marina.

Music For 5/7/09

In celebration of the momentous day that is today, here's a little somethin' for you all

I Really Want A Cigarette

It's been almost 3 months since my last smoke. The last time (and first time) I smoked since I quit on December 15th was exactly 2 months afterward on February 15th. No, it wasn't due to being alone on Valentine's Day, it was because I was absolutely frustrated with people annoying me at work. Since that day I haven't had a puff, a drag, anything despite the fact that I've wanted to for quite some time. And as I said, I told you that I'd let you all know if I did in fact break my vow. But now, at 2am as I'm about to sleep with "What's Shakin' on the Hill" in my ears (on repeat) and a particular knowledge of the past, present and future (and not to mention a few beers), I can't help but want to light up and have a pack. I know there are less than 3 weeks left of school, but it seems as though the world chose to hit me hard. Come the 21st I'll be free of all the difficulties of school forever.

Visiting home every weekend brings back the tension and the anxiety of dealing with a town that disgusts me. I've spent lots of time with my family. My ma has asked me how a person so young could develop so much hatred for the world. I don't know if it's necessarily a hatred for the world, simply for the town that carelessly brought me up and taught me that nothing was sacred, that disappointment was around every corner and that being "too nice" means being subject to misery and pain that no one can fathom.

If society dictates what's right and wrong, what's moral and immoral, then society has said that Andy Suarez does not belong amongst its ranks. When your entire life you've been left behind for genericism and told that having an opinion differing from the populous is blasphemy, that respecting people and being a reliable individual is seen as taboo and "desperate" you tend to lose hope in yourself. When having been claimed to be a "fundamentally decent" person or for being the person to help a friend stand up after having fallen down only to be pulled into the mud by that very same person happens on a continual basis, there's not much the "fundamentally decent" want to do. Simply put, the one "too nice" or the good person who frequently gets told that he is good or nice is avoided, neglected, put down, rejected, etc., they cease being the person everyone says they are and they become bitter, uncaring, depressed, hate-filled and empty.

I guess my problem is that I cared too much for a world that never bothered to give a damn about a kid trying to maintain some sort of dignity, pride, or decency toward the rest. For me the end of college isn't finding a job, starting a life in which I settle down, decide a career, it's the beginning of a search. What I'll find, I'm uncertain, but whatever it is that's out there has to be better than the false hopes and dreams that I've acquired and imagined over the years. But I wonder if even these thoughts that what comes next will provide a life fulfillment or accomplishment.

And yet I can't help but think that perhaps one day everyone will come to their senses. People once believed in a geocentric universe, but there were those that defied this notion. They went against popular belief and though they were persecuted, they were right. While it was scientifically proven later that the Earth indeed revolved around the sun, there's no possible way to prove to anyone that I'm worth listening to or worth fighting for. It seems as though I've been forced into exile. To everyone I'm wrong. Even when I'm right, my peers say I'm but a crackpot, living in times of old with standards no one adheres to.

Now the respectable gentleman who outwardly gives a damn is overshadowed by a trend and the least common denominator. My kind are going extinct and the world could care less. And here I remain, fighting for standards and a way of life that has been deemed obsolete. What's left? What is there to fight for if all say that you're not even worth holding on to?

I'm not perfect. I'm far from it. I'm just a guy who tries to help those in need. But what happens when I'm in need and no one wants to help? When you're too selfish to even consider the pain and suffering of others, what happens to those who fought for you? They get removed. Swept under rugs to be hidden and out of sight so as not to remind those of the shame they've brought upon themselves; for having forgotten the values of old. But what's swept under the rug doesn't go away. You know it's there and it haunts you. Remember that.

I know that as always my writings are ill-conceived, poorly written and idiotic, but if it struck a chord with any of you, then I guess it was worth it. when my ma asks me the aforementioned question, I never know what to answer. I know that my words on this website are often whiny, moronic and worthless, but I started this for a reason, and that reason was to relieve stress. Whether anyone reads this or not, I don't care. I will say this, though: I'll be buying a new journal soon. My two previous ones will be burned as a way of moving away from the past. No point in looking backward. Until next time.

Hiking

Went hiking with my dad and his friend yesterday. We and climbed about 5 miles (10 miles out and back) of San Gorgonio. We weren't able to summit due to the hard hard-pack snow, but I honestly don't think we would have made it in one day. My dad has foot problems and was struggling just to make it to the camp site we stopped at. Though part of the trouble was at one point we lost the trail and rather than using switchbacks and a dirt road to come around one of the lower peaks, we ended up trailblazing through snow up an unstable mountain. Until we found the trail on the other side. The beginning of the trail was 1.2 miles up hill at about a 20% grade with 100 feet worth of ascension every 10th of a mile. Getting the hardest part of the trail out of the way first was better than having to tackle that monster at the end. Though it being an out-and-back trip, the wear and tear of the trail with the addition of the steep hill pounding away at our knees at the very end left us all sore and drained. I carried about half the weight of what I'd be carrying with a week's worth of supplies, including 5 liters of water and ample amounts of gear (I had everything except food and clothing packed). I'm not in shape and quickly fell out of it when school started up at the end of January. I've got a few weeks to re-condition myself. I know the trail was grueling yesterday, but completing only 10 miles in 8 hours isn't really making good time. I know the break for lunch was about an hour, as were the multiple stops to wait for my dad, but I can't imagine I would have done much more than 18 miles on my own only going one way. I suppose the terrain, elevation gain and loss would dictate how much I could do. I remember back in January I completed 10 miles in 4 hours, but the gain and loss wasn't great and the grade wasn't severe when I did climb. Either way, my dad's friend Larry has given me his trekking rods as a graduation gift. They're actually really helpful and saved me from tripping and injuring myself plenty of times yesterday. They're designed to ease some of the stress of a pack's weight and provide stability. I hadn't really considered using them, but after being fatigued and being as clumsy on your feet as I am, they're more useful than you might think. The fact that they're lightweight is a huge plus as well. I'll have some time before school ends to get a few more hikes in.